This one’s a few months old, but I just stumbled across it tonight: according to Curt Smith, who runs an advice column called ‘The Single Guy’s Opinion’ (I, for one, am completely shocked. Also, when I want advice on how to cook a steak, I don’t ask a vegan, but okay), women have become too easy.
Oh good, because we’ve never heard that one before.
Anyway, Stacy has written to this advice column with a question:
I’m a 35-year-old woman, and met a very handsome 43-year-old man named Daniel. We’ve been dating for five months now and still haven’t slept together.
My problem is that in the beginning, Daniel asked me how many men I’ve slept with. Being a little scared of his reaction, I lied and told him seven. But after a few months, I could not live with the lie and finally decided to tell him the reason why I still haven’t slept with him yet.
I told him I didn’t want to make love because I was scared that he’d lose respect and eventually leave me like all the other men. At this point he asked me again, just how many men were there, to which I replied forty-three.
His reply was, “Hmm, one for each of my birthdays.” And from that day on, I never heard from him again. I don’t get it Curt, why is it that when men sleep around, they’re studs , yet when women sleep around, they’re sluts ? Why can’t women have their fun too?
Stacy Jones, TX
Well, first of all, Daniel is an asshole. Now brace yourself, because—spoiler alert—Curt’s answer does not include the words “patriarchy”, “bullshit”, or “double standard”.
[B]efore I begin, allow me to stress that I’m not passing judgment on women, nor am I saying that women shouldn’t enjoy themselves sexually.
I’m not sexist, but…
An object that has value is worshipped, respected, cherished, and shared with very few deserving people. As soon as you start sharing that object with anyone and without care, the object starts to lose value. The more people use the object, the more it depreciates and the less bargaining power it has: this is a plain psychological fact of life.
CURT DID YOU REALLY JUST CALL WOMEN OBJECTS? REALLY? YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRY TO COUCH IT IN IMPLICATION? YOU JUST OUTRIGHT CALLED WOMEN OBJECTS? I CAN’T EVEN.
Capslock aside, I’m not sure that’s even true for every object ever. A yearbook has more value the more it’s passed around—more memories, more personalised notes, etc. My high school yearbooks are literally filled with all these amazing handwritten notes and fabulous memories.
What about cupcakes? When I bake cupcakes I want to share them with as many people as possible, because cupcakes are awesome and delicious and everyone should be able to nom on my cupcakes because they are damn good cupcakes, if I do say so myself.
Fuck, now I want to make cupcakes.
But the reality is that most men (those looking for a serious relationship and not a one-night stand) do place great value on a woman’s sexual restraint.
I don’t want a serious relationship with a man who places that much value on my sexual restraint before I even knew him, let alone was dating him, unless he is someone who has firm moral beliefs about non-matrimonial sex and so am I. Otherwise it comes off as creepy and controlling.
There was a time when many women cherished their bodies much like a sacred temple. Where only a noble man, one who respected and loved her, had access to her body.
I’m sorry, but I cannot stop laughing at a noble man. I’m picturing a seventeenth-century dude, here.
But over time, it seems that women have failed to realize the important role their sexuality plays in finding a long-term mate.
Here’s the thing—my hackles get almost as raised by the use of the word ‘mate’ in relation to people as they do by MRAs referring to women as ‘females’. We’re not chimpanzees, okay? Well, most of us.
But if women themselves don’t value their bodies like they used to, why should men?
I value my body. I value it so much that I’m like, “Hey, my body and my sexuality is fucking rocking, and y’all should get up on this.” My vagina is not the 500-year-old china-plated family heirloom that has to be locked away and earthquake-proofed. It’s the placemat my three-year-old nephew made me in kindergarten that gets pulled out all the time, because that shit is rocking.
Some women will argue that if men have the right to sleep around, so should women. But I ask only one question: If women adamantly believe this, then why is it that when faced with the question, “How many men have you slept with?”, most women who have slept around with truckloads of men always lie?
Some women lie. Some men lie. Some people don’t even know their numbers. I’m not clear on mine, but I know it’s a shitload higher than a) the national average and b) my partner’s. And some people have had it drummed into them for so long that a slutty woman is a worthless woman, oh my god what is wrong with you, you whore, that they lie about their number in order to avoid the slutshaming that will inevitably follow. And you know what? That’s fucking fine.
Things my partner needs to know about my prior sexual encounters (and I want to make it clear these are my rules for me personally, and I’m not saying this is what everyone should be following by any means):
-History of sexual assault, because they need to understand that there are some things that are totally off limits, and because they should know if I suddenly freeze up and shy away it’s probably not them;
-Any sexually transmitted infections I may have that could return, if we’re not using condoms.
That’s it. My number has no bearing on either of those things.
Women have sexual propositions directly or indirectly thrown at them every single day. Because of this abundant supply of penis, women have the final decision to act on or ignore such propositions.
Ladies! Your constant sexual harassment means YOU HAVE THE POWER.
Men, on the other hand, don’t necessarily have women on bended knee with diamond rings and gold bracelets, so they pretty much take it when they can.
Women only want sex when there’s jewellery involved, obviously. Shit, I should have way more bling.
Men recognize the power of a woman’s sexuality. In turn, men appreciate and place great value on women who can control themselves and demonstrate a certain degree of sexual discipline because most men certainly can’t.
MEN CAN ONLY THINK WITH THEIR PENISES AND CAN’T SAY NO TO SEX EVER. Gee, where have I heard people spouting this shit before?
If a woman can show men that she is honest, loyal, trustworthy, and sexually responsible, then she will have the most powerful weapon to attract men. If, on the other hand, a woman abuses her sexual power with many men, it will backfire on her. Unfortunately, women only realize this after they’ve had their “women’s movement fun,” when it’s too late and the only choice they have is to lie.
“Women’s movement fun”. In scare quotes. I’m just going to leave this here.
Over the past years, most women have lost a sense of value for their sexuality. They’ve realized that sex is fun and pleasurable, but in the process, they’ve forgotten that it’s the one gift that they can offer their lover, and that so many men value.
Ladies, you have literally nothing to offer a man other than your very chaste ladyparts. Okay? Okay.
Here’s a better example: if I were to offer Stacy the same engagement ring that I once offered my ex-fiancée, would she appreciate it?
Look, I wouldn’t be okay with my partner going “Hey, this is the exact same dick I once offered [a previous sexual partner]” just as we were getting hot and heavy, but that’s not really the same thing as me knowing he had a sex life before I knew him.
As more and more women put their careers ahead of their social lives, they’re getting married at a later age. But because of an emotional void, some find the wait a little too long and replace love with sex.
Again… I’m just going to leave this here.
A woman should give the man the test of time and make him wait at least three months before having full intercourse with him.
“Full intercourse”? Am I back in year ten sex ed?
Both the women’s movement and the media have encouraged women to compete with men in all aspects of life, including sex.
Preeeeeetty sure feminism is all about giving women equal rights to men, not encouraging them to compete…
Most men will agree that they’re always on the lookout for a serious soul mate. But this doesn’t mean that they can’t have fun in the process.
Apparently it means women can’t, though.
Why do we men behave in such a way? Because we are very much aware of how hard it is to control ourselves when seduced by women. Therefore, we fear women who are equally sexually active — especially when they have dozens of men courting them — because they also lack that control.
The women’s sexual movement had women across the United States screaming, “We want equal treatment! We want to be able to do everything men do! We want to have sex!” Well, women did just that and unfortunately, they abused their sexual magic to the point where it lost its value over time.
-“Sexual magic”. Snigger.
-Pretty sure feminism wasn’t limited to the United States?
After all, if the body becomes familiar and the personality becomes aggravating, what else is there left to commit to? Well, I’d like to think that it is the woman’s special gift that keeps a man hooked.
I can’t get over “and the personality becomes aggravating”. Protip: if your partner’s personality is aggravating, you need to rethink your relationship. And as for that last sentence, I’m going to hand over to my boyfriend for a second, who’s reaction was: “I’mma trick you into a relationship! With my vagina! It’s a mousetrap! Or a Chinese finger trap—you’ve got to get all the way in, and then sneak out.” Which is the best mental image ever, to be completely honest with you.
The man who had to work hard and commit in order to bed a woman will appreciate her more. After all, time was invested in her.
She’s not a classic car you’ve been restoring, guys.
Annnnnnd, that’s it. Curt Smith, you are a fuckhead of the highest order, and me and the body I have no respect for are going to go bake some cupcakes now.